It is known to most flight attendants that some passengers seem to pack their brains in their hold luggage. Most passengers would not even consider what they might say to the flight attendant. They truly say the most bizarre things. They might not realize that their little joke could get them into trouble. Or that they are being offensive. Let's take a look at some things you should not say to a flight attendant.
1 Can I have an upgrade?
This might seem obvious, but we hear it almost every day. We are not allowed to upgrade passengers unless they pay for an upgrade onboard the aircraft, which is pretty pricey! Ground staff can upgrade people if they are SFU (suitable for upgrade) and they meet specific requirements. This might be a special occasion, a loyalty member upgrade, or for a reduced price. Yes, there might be empty seats, but we cannot give them to you free of charge.
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2 I fly more than you...
Yes, we do hear this. It is usually from a frequent flyer seated in business class, who thinks it's funny and genuinely believes it to be the case. Maybe they think they'll get extra special treatment.
Unless you fly almost every single day of the year and numerous times a day, I don't think so. Certainly, short-haul cabin crew can do four flights a day and work five or six days a week, which wracks up a lot of flying hours.
3 Stewardess!
Rooted in history, we still sometimes get called 'stewardess' or 'air hostess.' These terms were used in the 1960s and 1970s when the roles were designated to only young, single, attractive females. It was seen as a glamorous profession, and airlines used their stewardesses to sell the airline to a primarily male businessmen audience. After that, we became cabin crew and flight attendants, a term much more suited to all genders. It also distinguished that we are not just servers in the sky but are responsible for passenger safety. It is an old-fashioned term, and we'd rather be called by our name and referred to as cabin crew or flight attendant.
4 Just one minute
We know that your personal devices are important to you, but when we ask you to put them away a second time, it is for good reason. We need to complete our 'cabin secure' checks and have limited time.
If you tell us, 'just one more minute' while we wait for you to turn off your device and put it away, we cannot secure the cabin and pass the checks on the captain. We don't have one more minute for every passenger working on their laptop, and the captain can't wait that minute to land or take off. Please just do as we ask.
5 Where do you stay?
Many people ask in innocence and are just curious, especially if they know the destination well. We are not allowed to tell you, and it's for our personal safety and security. Crew are sometimes targeted in some areas of the world, so we must be cautious about revealing such information. While chatting to the crew member on their jump seat, this topic may come up, but understand we won't be able to tell you.
6 Are you free after the flight?
No. We are likely tired and jet-lagged and just need our rest. The aircraft is not a place to set up a date, although I am sure it has happened! We are often on minimum rest and sometimes have other duties. So we probably won't be thinking about meeting up with a passenger.
7 I have a bomb in my bag
It's pretty obvious, really, but don't even joke about it. Surprising as it is, people still do sometimes joke about this, but doing so will likely make us have you removed from the flight by security.
Safety and security are our highest priority, and even if it is a joke, it is not funny, and you may find yourself escorted from the aircraft. Don't joke about hijacking the aircraft, either. These things are very serious.
8 The ground staff said you'd let us sit together
Another one we hear every day. The group of passengers who booked late didn't get their chosen seats and then expect us to move everyone around. I'm sorry, but we can't always do that, and the ground staff would not tell you that. We knew you'd say that. If we have some free seats, we might be able to help, but there's not much we can do on a full aircraft.
9 Can you lift my bag?
It's interesting. If the passenger can't lift their own luggage into the overhead locker, then they shouldn't be asking us to lift it for them and potentially injuring ourselves. Just because we are wearing a uniform doesn't give us superhuman strength. We'll try our best to help you find a space and maneuver the bag, but we can't physically lift it for you.
10 I'm on a stag/hen party
Being stuck in a metal tube in the sky with a group of drunk people is most flight attendants' nightmare.
Dealing with potentially disruptive passengers while trying to practice damage limitation in the rest of the cabin is not our idea of a good day out. We like our flights to be calm and uneventful.
11 Can I have another double?
We may or may not serve you that extra drink. If the passenger is not too drunk, we might give one more. If the passenger is heavily inebriated or has the potential to be disruptive, we will no longer serve them alcohol. It is an offense to be drunk on an aircraft and is also a hazard if there were to be an emergency evacuation.
12 Where are we flying over?
In all politeness, we fly different routes most days, and we don't know every city, state, or country we are flying over. It's a common question, would you believe? We'd love to be able to help and will happily point out the Eiffel Tower or the sights of London when we can, but we certainly don't know everything!